My poor eyes

Yes, my poor eyes. Today, I did nothing but cry. Yes, as in tears and mucus flowing down my face. For the WHOLE day. I thought that I am done crying in the morning when I finally gotten myself to stop after 2 hours, but somehow or rather, the smallest thing triggered it. Imagine this, Me going to toilet, and suddenly I cried. Bad rite?? and definitely weird!!

Writing a facebook message to Michelle was one of the desperate moves I have taken. I was feeling so bad this morning, that I wrote a message to her, asking her for help if she knows if there just anything at all I can do to lessen this. Somehow or rather, after so many years together, she is the one that I would always turn to when I have a problem.

The whole day, I tried to distract myself, by reading, by going online, by anything at all that I can do, but it's just not working. I was feeling so bad, that I didn't take lunch and in the end I nibbled on Pods and biscuits.

Talking to my long lost childhood friend whom I just met back on facebook, triggered everything again. I was crying when I was chatting with her online, but after some time, after some advice, I actually felt a little better. Maybe because she could relate to what I felt and is able to give me a little advice to me.

After talking to her, Michelle replied my message with an extreme long one. Reading it triggered my tears again, this time I cried because I was touched, reading the message that she wrote. She gave me encouragement, worried on my behalf and in a way, it gave me strenght to move on for at least another day. Knowing that she cares, that she loves me for who I am, that she will always be worried, that I will always be in her heart made things here seems a little better. And it also made me felt a little less lonely.

Then, I called and have a talked with her. She sounded a little solemn and I realize, like me, she too is missing me. We chatted about nonsensical stuff and I teared while talking to her. I tried to hide the fact that I am crying from her and I am not sure if she knew that I was crying. There was an akward silence over the phone where the both of us tried to control our own emotions and in the end, I had to put down the phone because it was just too overwhelming.

I just wondered, is it really possible for me to stay here?? is it going to be like this for the next 2 years? People kept telling me that it will pass soon enough, but will it?? How soon would be soon anyway??