First day

Today was the first day of my first semester in the University of Queensland. The campus is huge, one could really exercise just by rushing for their classes if it's located at different ends of the campus. Going there for my first lesson with Sheu, I wasn't really scared or anything like that, just that I was feeling a little melancholy when I realize how similar the things are here with KL.

I went for my first lecture of the semester, the subject code is Comu 1030 and it's called communication skills. The lecture styles are similar to HELP, so it wasn't really intimidating. The only difference is that the class is filled with Mat Salleh and not the usual multiracial classes we would find in HELP.

I had the tutorial for the same subject on the same day. I had some really expensive Sushi in the campus and we lingered around for a while at the great court's field before Sheu thought it was too cold and we headed to into the building. While at the great court, I was suddenly hit with a pang of homesickness. It was much more horrible than the one I usually get and I had to fight real hard to stop the tears from coming. It's just weird, I have lots of people around me, including Sheu who was with me for the whole time, and yet I was feeling so lonely. I guess that's just one of the facts of life.

I attended the tutorial, feeling really depressed and our tutor came in. Unlike HELP, the tutors here are different people from the lecturers. He made up an ice-breaker for us to introduce ourself, and I think in that whole 45 minutes, the only words I said was to introduce myself. Hell, I was so feeling so horrible that I can't even remember what is the last movie that I had watched.

Sitting the bus home, I was just staring at the space, telling myself not to burst into tears. I went in to the house, spoke and watched a few minutes of Days of Our Lives with Cheryl before heading to my room and burst our crying. It was really, really bad. I tried all sort of ways to stop myself from crying but it never did work like before. When I was done, my whole handkerchief was wet. I fell asleep crying this afternoon.

After waking up, I went online and talked with my friends and family member. Everyone of them was telling me that the homesickness with go away soon enough and I won't even want to come back in November. For now, I couldn't even imagine myself staying her for the whole semester, what about for 2 years?? Talking to my friends and family made me realize the extend of how much I missed them. I missed the outing I had with friends, the suppers we had in my grandfather's house, the movie outings with my aunt and cousins, outings on thursdays with my college friends or even just a simple stayover. All in all, I miss them all.

I cried again, talking to them, and I know that in one way or another, they were trying to cheer me up. And in a way, it did. It was nice knowing that they cared, even when I thought that won't bother since they were so many of us leaving the country at once. And it did, in a way helped me calm down.

Before blogging, I went downstairs to help Sheu with her cooking and watching the two Sheu's working together to cook a dinner just sort of gave me a wake up call that in the future it would be me in the kitchen cooking and the prospect is just so daunting. No more cooking from mom and everything single thing will have to be done by my ownself.

Unable to take it anymore, I came upstairs after making sure that I am not needed and when I started blogging, I just burst into tears again. My eyelids hurts from wiping my tears away and I think I am making myself sick with all these thoughts of home, family and friends.

I am sick of feeling homesick...

I am sick of crying...

When will it stop?? Will it ever stop??