I hate this

I hate this. I hate the fact that every morning when I wake up, the homesickness pang is the strongest. I hate the fact that I am separated from my family and friends. I hate the fact that for some reason, whenever I sit the bus, I would think of home. I hate the fact that whenever in classes, I would thought of the friends I have in HELP. I hate the fact that I am feeling so negative all the time.

I had tried, tried various ways to get these thoughts away from me, but somehow, it doesn't use to work like it does back home. I know everyone is worried about me - friends from KL, friends here, my family and my cousins. I tried, tried so hard, to keep myself occupied so that these thoughts won't come into my head, but they always sneak through my defenses.

For all my life, my life revolve around my family and friends, and now that I am here and they are no longer a call or a message away, it really made life harder. maybe, I am not suitable for studying abroad....

I am thinking about home, about my friends, I have no mood to study and I am not taking proper meals. Yes, I still eat, but somehow not as much as when I am in KL. What is happening to me?? I am at constant fight with my emotions, in the end who will win?? Me? or my tears??

I hate this....