Looking Back

Looking back at what I once had and what I have now, I realize that a lot of things had changed. For one, some of the closest friends that I once had and vow to never lose them escaped my grip. Somewhere during the process of growing up and going to university, we had forgotten each other and I realize that I miss the camaraderie that we once had.

I suppose this is part of life, losing some of your old friends and gaining new ones, but somehow, my heart still wonder, what would have happened if we have kept in contact? if somehow, both parties had tried harder to keep the friendship? but I suppose there is no purpose on dwelling on the 'what if's' and 'should have's'.

I miss the friendship, the innocences and optimistic view in life. I suppose, we grew up and realize that things aren't as they seem to us back then anymore. Yet, I still miss them.

I suppose what had triggered this blog post was that the curiosity that I suddenly had to check back on the past written work that we had post on winglin. It was then I realized that things are so much different now. For one, we grew up and I realize that the innocences that was once reflected in our writing is no longer there. I looked at the comment page and realize that although the written work suck, we still had support from people around us. We or rather I had innocently believe that it was good. yet, for some reason, I was proud of myself for typing out those words and posted it online.Maybe because it was those very feelings that had sparked my interest in writing the first place. Maybe because I had finally taken the first step and tried my hands on something that I never thought I would do years ago before I actually started.

I wonder, I really can't help but wonder, if I still have the guts to do that? To type out my thoughts, to create an interesting plot for my characters and post it up online for the whole world to see? I used to not care if you don't like my story, yet now, the very thought that someone don't like it scares me. Somewhere in between, I have lost the courage. I no longer have the courage to type out my story, I no longer have the courage to post it up online for the whole wide world to see and I no longer have the courage to properly finish a story. take a look at my computer and there are many drafts of written work, yet not one ever had an ending. All i have were works for competition that had never even been through the shortlist.

I suppose it time to get back the courage to type out my work again. Maybe it's time to stop being afraid and finish what i started. Maybe it's time to stop discarding perfectly good ideas with the thought that it's horrible. It's time to find back the freedom that i once had in writing.

Maybe that is what I am gonna do....

signing off,
wen