The past and the present

Today, I read back all my old post in this blog and I realized that I could detect the emotional changes in myself through the blog.

When I started the blog, I was more cheerful, more optimistic more happy go lucky. I had my friends and family around me, my comfort zone is secured and everything is fine. The idea of going to Brisbane is just an idea and not a reality although I know that I would be going there one day.

But as the time for me to fly comes closer, I became more solemn, more afraid of what would Australia bring. I became more attached to my friends and family knowing that my days with them are numbered.

Once I flew to Australia, everything seemed like a new thing, it felt like I was going for a holiday. things seems so surreal. But after some time, after the idea sink in, things became depressing. My post itself became more depressing and all that talk of staying there are just talk. In the end, life became so bad for me that I just came back.

Even after coming back, I am still very emotional. I became afraid of what my future would bring which doesn't happen at all before I went over. I became worried of every single thing, I was afraid of disappointing people around me even more now and I became unsecured.

Now that everything had slowly settle into a routine, I still find myself emotional at sometimes but things aren't that bad now. I smile and I laugh. Slowly, my confidence is building and even if I do still worried about stuff that I can't control but it's not that much now.

I realize that after coming back to Australia, I changed in some way. I became more solemn, and maybe more mature? I don't throw my temper around anymore.

Maybe going to Australia had taught me some stuff after all. It had taught me to appreciate the people around me, it had taught me how precious they are to me and it had definitely made me grow up. It's surprising how just 1 month could change me so much...MOST OF THE TIME, I don't regret going there although this whole mess about my emotions and education really sux. In a way, like I said, it had taught me to grow up and when I am not feeling sorry for myself (which isn't as much as when I was there or when I just came back), I could see that going to Australia was an experience for it had taught me many things in it own special way.

Now the only thing that I could really do is to look forward in life. But the question is, can I really do it??